My food struggle-intro

My food struggle-intro

Hi everybody,
Let me start this off by telling you about myself, my history and what’s next. I hope you’ll relate to at least some of it. Growing up, I was actually thin. No problem whatsoever with my weight. At age 16 I went to study in the UK for 2 years. That’s when the weight slowly started to creep up on me. I wasn’t fat but I was chubby (size 42). I don’t know why but my mother kept on criticizing me for my weight. Even before that, I remember my father jokingly calling me the garbage can of the family as I always used to finish everyone’s leftovers. I got married at 69 kg (which is my dream goal these days). I thought I’d become pregnant right away but that didn’t happen. I did not want to go to a fertility specialist before 2 years had passed but I went for a blood test just to check. It was discovered that I suffered from hypothyroidism. That explained the weight gain that had started after I got married. After the 2 years were up, I started fertility treatments. I was diagnosed with PCOS. Another reason for my weight gain. PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) is known for making it very tough to lose weight. The hormone shots and pills didn’t make things easier. My weight just crept up and up. I tried every single new diet out there. I became the expert on all things diet-related. My brain knew all the right things but I had trouble sticking to the rules. Most diets lasted only a week. The most I ever lost was on the red/green diet (7 kg, nothing impressive). I bought all the latest diet books, joined the latest support group and every single time I was convinced that THIS.WAS.IT.

I became pregnant. Pregnancy was apparently the best diet for me. I gained about 7 kg until the end of that (twin) pregnancy which was at 31 weeks. After birth, I had lost all the weight and then some. I was the thinnest I had EVER been.

8 weeks after birth, I lost one of my precious twin boys. I grieved the only way I knew how-overeating. I literally ate my grief. I gained a shocking amount of weight in a very short time. Weight gain was fast but once on me, it became near impossible to lose.

Then I found OA. No, this is not one of those blogs of someone trying every diet under the sun, then seeing the light. I gave OA my best shot, admitted that I had a disease, gave it over to G-d and tried the steps. But even that didn’t work. It was too restrictive for me. I guessed I loved my food too much.

The next book I bought was about intuitive eating. That one opened a whole new world for me. Everything I read in that book made sense. I needed to re-learn the way we were created to eat. Diets just made us fatter. Long story short, I still believe intuitive eating is the answer but like all other approaches I tried, the whole thing didn’t last very long. I didn’t even manage to finish the book and apply all the principles. The only thing I did take away was that diets don’t work and I swore them off forever. I won’t be one of those that loses all the weight and then puts them back on. I was and am done with diets.

This is the stage I’m in now. I know diets will only make me fatter. But I’m becoming very hopeless. I have two conditions which make me gain weight very fast and losing the weight is nearly impossible. I’m not feeling good in my skin. I have entertained the idea of surgery..

I’m almost positive that my inability to stick to anything is emotional-related. I have now decided to tackle my emotional well being. I have started a new alternative treatment that sounds very promising. I will write about it in the next few posts.
Can you relate to some of my story? Where are you right now in your weight loss journey? Are you one of those few that have lost and kept it off?

12 thoughts on “My food struggle-intro”

  • I am one of the few, and the last spurt of weight loss happened when I wasn’t dieting. This is in no way as great as it sounds. I worried I was ill (so far not). Didn’t feel that great at a lighter weight and there were the practical considerations about a wardrobe that no longer fit.
    I know this will sound like “Try not to think about a big brown bear,” but if you stop beating yourself up about food, I think you’ll ultimately do better. You’ve suffered the worst loss anyone ever could. You have two health conditions that complicate your weight issue. Unless you’re in a situation where your health is at risk, let go.

  • I loved your heartfelt post. Weight loss can be a struggle sometimes, but I’ve found that instead of starting a dramatic new lifestyle on New Year’s or on any given Monday, it’s best to make small changes, one at a time. For example, you can say to yourself, “Today I won’t eat any chips or cookies.” Or, “Today I’m going to drink 8 glasses of water.” And you should try do that, and if you fail, you try to do it again the next day, and the next, until after a few weeks it becomes a habit. Then you try to change something else. I lost 50 pounds after my last pregnancy by gradually changing my habits. It’s been a year and a half since then and I haven’t gained any of it back. Habits are everything. Never give up!
    -Fabi at Wonder Fabi

  • I have no answers. But, I think it depends on if your antenna for trusting your intuition is broken or not. Some people need very strict boundaries around their food. Others do not. I think it helps if you have support too. Being alone with “the monkey on your back” can be very painful and lonely. Thank you so much for sharing your story! I am looking forward to hearing more!????

  • Small changes that work for you are the key. I would throw all the diet books in the garbage and rather learn why we need to eat certain macronutrients. Diets do make us fatter because they don’t teach us new healthier habits that could be held over a lifetime. People also many times miss take the government’s instructions about food as one size fits for all diet, but they are guidelines that can be mixed and matched. I understand the will to make it right but don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s ok to take the smallest steps and goals like not eating candy one day and then surviving from the next day without doubling the amount “because I didn’t eat candy yesterday”.
    <3 Good luck!

  • You are so brave to share so intimately! You have already identified that some of your weight gain is due to emotional traumas. How are you progressing in therapy? Are you able to gain some resolve in these issues? I know, for me, it is really hard to stay committed to change when I have unresolved struggles.

    • Thanks so much for your comment! Therapy is good. If you’re reading my next 2 posts you’ll see I started an energy treatment that will hopefully resolve some of those traumas ????

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